Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Top 10 Things That Always Made Christmas Great For Me

Grandpa Bates - Having him around made everything memorable though. Everything about my grandfather was great. From his laugh to his kind and generous nature to his love of and loyalty to his family. I was lucky enough to share a handful of Christmas’s with him. He even started a very key Christmas tradition that my mom still carries on with, of opening a pair of new pajamas on Christmas Eve to wear to bed that night.


Mom - It was her who made Christmas, not that fat guy in the red suit at the mall. Only a woman with a huge untamed inner child would spend so many hours stalking her prey (our toys and other gifts) in the aisles of the local toy and department stores and tirelessly wrap mountains of gifts like she did. She has even been known to brave frigid temperatures in order to stand in a long line at the butt crack of dawn in spite of the potential for hand to hand mom combat to make sure a certain little girl with big glasses had a Cabbage Patch Kid under the tree Christmas morning. For that and so much more, I thank you Mom!


The Billion Light Christmas Tree - This one also goes out to my Mom because it is in fact her Christmas light OCD that we have to thank for the brightest tree ever. Clark Griswold would have been envious of our Christmas trees. Hek, we even had to keep a supply of sunscreen handy for when we turned it on so as not to suffer third degree burns from it’s glow.


Heirloom Ornaments - I absolutely love Christmas ornaments, especially the one’s of the much older than me variety. I was fortunate enough to inherit a load of ornaments that once belonged to my mother, my grandmother and even my great grandmother. I will cherish them forever.


Christmas Cookies - Do I really need to say much?


Snow - I just love the snow in general, although I know many of you reading this in Michigan and Canada at the moment are quite sick of it. A nice dusting or dumping if you are lucky enough, is particularly appreciated on Christmas day.


Christmas Breakfast - This is a tradition that Marshall and I started, it always consists of bacon or sausage and waffles or crepes with a lot of Nutella in our house.


Bulldog Prezzies - Gemma and Shocker seriously love getting presents. We also love to watch them open them. Those nubby tails go at least 90 mph. Besides, giving them a little something first distracts them from being too nosey about what we do.


Eric’s Bed Head - Without fail every Christmas morning (well really every morning) my brother would jump out of bed (crawl in later years) with the most glorious bed head I had ever seen. It was kind of like his version of a Santa hat.


The German Christmas Markets - Living in Germany has opened our eyes to many different new traditions, however I particularly love the Christmas markets. They begin at the end of November or beginning of December and run up until Christmas. There is nothing as charming as visiting one of these markets as the snow gently falls with the scent of Glühwein, and roasted almonds in the air. I know, it's so sweet it gives me a toothache too!


So what are some things that have made Christmas great for you?

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Bim 1, Luck O'the Irish 0

I know it has been forever since I last posted but to be fair, there just was not a whole lot going on aside from that death match of Carcassonne with Marsh and Chris when we went down to Ingolstadt. Oh, and just in case Chris reads this, I feel that I should mention the fact that I not only won the game, but I pretty annihilated he and Marsh. I'm not bragging, just stating the facts. Anyhow, please read on.

On St. Patrick’s Day Marshall and I decided to venture down to Nürnberg to meet up with some other English speaking people at an Irish pub called O’Shea’s. So we donned our finest greenery, in this case a green Mustard Plug shirt for him and a green Dropkick Murhpy’s shirt for myself, and hopped into Bim the BMW. The traffic was cooperative, the weather was relatively decent, so things were going swimmingly, well that is until Bim decided to magically turn our heat into air conditioning. How Bim takes it upon himself to make these decisions is really beyond me. I think we treat him pretty well to be honest. I mean we keep him clean, filled with nice gasoline, we keep his oil changed, his tires filled with the suggested air pressure and everything. So why would he turn on us like this? That ungrateful bucket of Bavarian bolts and scrap metal acts as though we have a soccer team of bratty children that we allow to write on his upholstery with crayons, wipe all forms of their bodily fluids all over his interior and blow raspberries on his windows all while neglecting his general maintenance needs. Well alas, after much button pressing on Marshall’s part, we pulled over to rest area and Marsh’s almost worse fears were confirmed because the coolant was in fact leaking like a nineteen year old American boy on his way home from his first night of drinking in Canada. Bim is such a bastard. Luckily though, my “always prepared” Scout of a husband happened to have a big jug of water and we were able to make it into Nürnberg with no more problems. However, Marsh thought it would be best to park the car and take the train into the city center just to be safe and avoid the stop and go traffic. When we finally arrived at O’Shea’s it was completely packed, like we are talking in danger of being trampled crowded. We knew the group we were meeting had reservations though, so Marsh pushed his way through the crowd and I tried my best to follow. I tell you, it was no easy feat to squirm through this place either, especially being a full figured gal. After doing what I realized was almost a complete lap around the place we found the group's table. If only we’d gone straight when we walked in rather than going to the right my self esteem would have been spared a little blow trying to squeeze through the crowd, but alas we found seats. We joined a table with five other’s from the Toytown group, two American guy’s, a woman from Spain, a German guy and his Brazilian wife. As luck would have it they were all very nice and likable. Although as the night wore on I came to realize that the American guy’s were not going to become my best pals. I found the guy who was from Royal Oak, Michigan (although he told everyone who didn’t know better that he lived in Detroit his whole life) to be particularly annoying. It is guys like this that are the reason that so many people the world over dislike Americans and why there is the stereotype of the “ugly American.” I can only hope that people don’t view me in the same light. Anyhow, we spent most of the night talking with the German / Brazilian couple and some of her friends that showed up later as there was definitely a noticeable divide between the regular crowd and the new crowd. All in all, we had a decent time and hope to maybe meet up with the nice German / Brazilian couple again.

The next day however, we realized that all was not well. Marshall checked the forum and came across and interesting post about how some “peasant” did not pay for their fish and chips and three pints of Guinness. Then there was another post in reply that mentioned how the “girl from Colberg” ordered fish and chips and then went on to say everyone else paid at the table but then eluded to the fact that perhaps this “girl from Colberg” had not paid her bill. Well guess who the “girl from Colberg” was? If you guessed me, then you would be correct. Although I think that at the ripe old age of twenty eight I should be considered a woman rather than a girl, and do not I live in a place called “Colberg,” but rather in a little obscure village outside of Coburg. Well those of you who know me can imagine what happened next. I of course was offended and just plain old ticked off. So I logged in and left a little reply informing them who I was and that although I did not pay for my fish and chips that my husband did and I was also sure to let them know that he paid for my one drink that was in fact a Coke and not three pints of Guinness. I even offered to reimburse whomever it was that had been left footing the bill for the unaccounted for food and drinks just to show my graciousness. Not bad for a lowly peasant girl hailing from Colberg huh? I cannot believe how catty and petty adults can be though. I suppose I was an easy target being one of the new people even though it was clearly just an accounting error which is understandable given how very crowded and hectic it was. In the end the accuser did apologize, most likely for fear of my wrath no doubt. I mean I do have a very formidable presence. So I will be quite hard pressed to join this particular group in the future. Hopefully we can find another group to meet up with somewhere a bit closer though.

As for Bim the BMW, I thought I would let everyone know that Marshall was able to fix him the following Saturday. A friend / coworker of Marsh’s helped him out by providing some assistance with replacing the part as well as with getting the part we needed. So Bim is back in action. I am seriously thinking of drawing on his upholstery with some crayons and blowing a few raspberries on his windows though.

This Sunday we have been invited to Gisela’s (she is our German mommy and dear friend) for an Easter breakfast with her family. So we are looking forward to that. We really are very lucky to have friends like her and her daughters Johanna and Annette. They along with Chris, Bernd, Stephan, Moritz, Michael, Helena, Liz, Nils, Rosie, Heike, Thomas, Ollie, and Uwe have been so wonderful to us.

Well my trip home is fast approaching and while I am going to miss Marsh, Gemma and Shocker I am certainly looking forward to it. I already have some plans to have a “girls night,” with my mom, aunties, Sara and Layla. I will also be meeting up with quite a few of my friends, visiting Di in Chicago, visiting the world’s best neighbor’s, and standing up in Amanda’s wedding, so long as we get this dress situation under control. Just yesterday I found out that some family from Tennessee might be coming up the weekend of May 1st as well. Maybe I’ll even get to meet Eric’s wife and the kids. So I think I will be pretty busy and the time will fly by. Seventeen more days to go!

Friday, February 26, 2010

The Two Winter Olympic Events That Make Me Want to Cut Myself

Now I know I may catch some flak for this but that’s just too bad because this is my sounding board and therefore I can write about whatever I choose to write about, so eat that you critics! Like many of you, Marshall and I are currently caught up in watching the Winter Olympics. I actually quite enjoy some of the events to be honest. I mean what human being chock full of estrogen doesn’t love them some figure skating for instance. I even enjoy some of the downhill skiing, ski jumping, snowboarding, speed skating, bobsled, luge and even a little hockey (especially if my fellow Americans are whipping some Canuck ass like they have been). However, I must draw the line when it comes to cross country skiing and curling. By no means do I intend to imply that these two sports are not challenging for the individuals taking part in them but as a spectator, they just leave me scanning the room for a sharp object. In fact as I am typing this, Marsh is watching curling. Please do not ask me why he watches this crap, because I really have no idea. Well actually now that he just passed out cold I think I get it, it puts him to sleep apparently. Eureka! Curling is the Ambien of the Winter Olympics! At least it’s all natural I guess too bad one of the side effects is suicide. What child dreams of being a curling gold medalist or cross country skier for that matter? I think the curling teams skills would be better utilized if they worked for Molly Maid. It’s just a thought. A member of the curling team just drank a damn Powerade by the way. What the hell did he do that was so taxing that he needed to replenish his electrolytes or quench his thirst for that matter! As for those cross country skiers, I just think it would suck busting your ass like that in a full body spandex (friends don’t let friends wear spandex as it is a crime against humanity) jumpsuit nonetheless all while being screamed at by your coaches just to prove that you can walk the fastest in a pair of skinny skis. I will give them credit though for not stepping on one another’s ski’s and poking one another’s eyes out with those ski poles. That shizz looks dangerous! They just need to make cross country skiing a contact sport, then I would love to watch it. Can you just imagine it! It would give hockey some competition for spectators, that’s for sure. Anyhow, I need to go pry the remote from Marshall’s hands now that he’s entered a full on coma, so that I don’t die of boredom whilst watching curling. Enjoy the rest of the Olympic’s!

*Disclaimer: For those of you who were offended by anything I wrote I am sorry but you are way to sensitive. Ha!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Bubble Wrapped Shrubbery

So today Marshall and I decided to throw monotony aside and venture into town. Yes I said we went into town. We live in a village so to do anything remotely exciting we must go into town or if we’re really looking for some serious action we head to a city. Anyhow, I have gotten side tracked, back to the matter at hand. As we were driving down our street I happened to notice something I had never noticed before. It was glorious. Okay it was gloriously hilarious and just straight up crazy. I beheld not one but three BUBBLE WRAPPED SHRUBBERY! Dear god did I ever laugh my ass off. You know, like the uncontrollable, wheezing, crying, laughing so hard that you are seriously in danger of peeing a little kind of laughing my ass off. Oh, and of course Marshall freakin missed it! How come men can spot a scantily clad woman from like say a mile away but they full on miss bubble wrapped shrubs? Sorry, back to the shrubbery (I really just like to say “shrubbery”). Now these shrubs were at least a good 8 or 9 feet tall I’m guessing, because they were partially hidden behind the crazy electric gate having family’s fence. All that is visible is maybe the top 4 feet of which the very top two feet are unprotected from the bubble wrap. Now I ask you, who in the hell wraps their outdoor plants or any plants for that matter in god damn bubble wrap? My contemplative husband said, “well it’s just like burlap.” I proceeded to inform him that in no way is bubble wrap anything like burlap. For one burlap is made of natural fibers and is biodegradable. Okay, maybe I’m making too big a deal about this but while living here in Germany I have noticed some shall we say, interesting things, but bubble wrapped shrubs, really? For those of you non-believers, I will try my best to post a picture soon. Also, I’m thinking I need to make it a regular thing to share with you the “interesting things” I notice here in lovely Germany. You will shit a brick over the escapades of our neighbor, “the crazy OCD street sweeper.”

Anyhow, I hope that all is well with everyone!

Monday, February 22, 2010

More Birthdays!

Marshall and I just wanted to wish my mom and cousin Meredith a very happy birthday. We hope you two lovely ladies have a wonderful day!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Happy Birthday Marshall!

Today is the birthday of my one and only, the love of the my life, my best friend, my partner in crime, my better half. Have I missed any? Please do let me know if I did. No plans for today other than the ceremonial birthday cake that just came out of the oven. We might check out the Fasching festivities in Coburg later today, which you might be able to catch a glimpse of via the Coburg Town Square Webcam link to the right. We also plan to have some friends over to celebrate on Saturday.

So yeah, thanks a bunch for being born Marsh, I’m totally jazzed that you were!

XOXO

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Why do my dogs do the things they do?

Okay, so I know I have been a bad blogger, and haven’t updated this thing since October. I suck. I think that things just slowed down for us here in Germany and I didn’t feel that I had anything really relevant to share since we’ve settled in. However, today I got to thinking and realized that I have a lot more to share than just the experiences relating directly to relocating to a foreign country. So I am going to make a sincere effort to keep this going and in turn keep my writing skills sharpened. You know what they say, if you don’t use it, you lose it. Be prepared though, as my ramblings will definitely not be censored and may not always be of the popular opinion, nor may you rarely if ever agree with what I might write. With that said, let the madness ensue!

Why is it that every time I go to the bathroom at home the dogs feel the need to accompany me? I mean, do they really think that I need protection from the evil toilet brush or that I just really like their company so much that I can’t be without it for 3 minutes while I answer the call of nature. They are incredibly judgmental too. I mean when they fart it could damn near wipe out a small village and then they just sit there and look around like, “hey, it’s just a natural thing, we all do it.” However, when I fart and I even have the common decency to do it in what should be the privacy of my own bathroom (well some times anyway), they look at me so indignantly like they are totally judging me and are revolted by me. To that I say, “well hell, at least I don’t lick myself or sniff butts,” and “SCRAM!”

Why do my dogs find it necessary to screw with my damn curtains? First of all I have to inform you that these curtains were a sore spot in my marriage for a time. I had to fight hard for these curtains because for some reason when it comes to decorating my husband has developed what I call “The Queer Eye.” For those of you who may not know, “The Queer Eye” is in fact Marshall’s concern for all things esthetic especially pertaining to decorating matters. So after months of battling I won the curtain war at last! My wonderful husband even obligingly hung them for me. Boy did they ever look nice too! Our living room no longer granted access to all neighbors and passersby. Even Marsh had to admit how much better the room looked. However, this happiness was short lived as we discovered that there was some unrest among the four legged troops. For some reason they both feel the need to go and get a drink of water from their bowl in the kitchen and then walk all the way back into the living room to then wipe their slobbery faces on my damn curtains! I yell all sorts of obscenities and tell them no but it’s no use. I swear they know it makes me mad and they just do it on purpose to torture me.

Why does Gemma snore loud enough to wake the dead only when I am trying to sleep? This dog’s snoring is seriously out of control. I have considered breath right strips,and that spray they used to advertise. However, I just resort to yelling at her, because god know’s Marshall wouldn’t wake up if the Kool-Aid man himself came busting into the room and exclaimed “OH YEAH!” Sadly I have even tried throwing pillows and she just grunts, then continues snoring. I have even tried putting her in her crate but then she digs in it or just snores in there and then it resonates and is even louder. Needless to say I spend a lot of time on the couch.

Why does Shocker have to lick his paws like he has OCD? On one hand I can really respect his need for hygiene, but he does it far too often. If he eats anything at all, he then needs to lay down and lick the hell out of his paws. I mean it’s not as though he used them to hunt down some wild animal for dinner. I can’t believe his paws aren’t chapped all to hell.

With that said, I really do love Gemma and Shocker. It’s just that some days I just need to rant because living with two real live cartoon characters can be quite taxing on a woman.

*Disclaimer:
No Olde English Bulldogges were harmed when said pillows were tossed in their general direction. I promise!